Category: anecdotes

The Wedding

Joseph DanteLeave a comment

David and I were married on Dec 9th, 2017 at Tree Tops Park in Davie, Florida. It was a small and intimate event. The time and place were perfect for us.

The weather forecast said it was going to be a cold and rainy day, but that was only partially true. It drizzled slightly in the morning but let up by the afternoon, just in time for us to take some great wedding photos outside. Unusually courteous for South Florida weather.

We stood among the giant old oaks and slight breezes shook water off the leaves. The crispness of a cool, wet atmosphere combined with the prehistoric canopies in the background made the photos look almost timeless. I enlisted the help of a talented friend from high school, Amy Nales Ramsaran, to be our photographer.

My aunt Toni Ann was our wedding officiant and master of ceremonies. She’d graciously acquired her minister license just for the occasion. I knew she’d make a great choice. She donned a rainbow scarf and made sure all the important parts went according to our plan.

The ceremony itself was secular, lacking any sort of symbolic gestures that usually come from religious or cultural traditions. As a nonreligious same-sex couple, these didn’t really apply to us. Weddings are still very much defined by religious language and strict gender roles. So we rewrote it all ourselves. Gay marriage is still very much a new thing, so trying to come up with our own terms and ceremony was perhaps a much more personal experience than is typical for other couples. There weren’t rituals to lean on. We set the rules.

So we decided to keep it simple. As the ceremony began, our wedding party entered in twos. It just so happened that my side was all women and David’s side was all men (plus Jackie!). The women were dressed in juniper green dresses and the men wore blue vests. Our processional song was “Theme of Love,” from the video game Final Fantasy IV. David and I entered the hall together soon after.

Aunt Toni greeted our guests, read about the commitment we were making to each other, and gave us a blessing. Our friend Jackie read a love poem from Twenty-One Love Poems by Adrienne Rich. It’s one of my absolute favorites.

We read our vows to each other. Many couples choose not to do this and just proceed with a declaration of intent, but we decided to write our own. I was very nervous about this part, mostly because I thought I would just sob throughout the whole thing. I did cry a bit, but took pauses to breathe. Breathing is crucial. In the end, I’m so glad we chose to do this. 

Here were my vows to David: 

Our friend Jeremy presented us with the rings. We put the rings on our fingers and made our promises to each other. After a brief benediction, Aunt Toni pronounced us married. We kissed and led the wedding party back outside. I cried and hugged everyone. With all the preparing that went into this moment, it all went by so fast. 

Before the reception, we made sure to have everyone sign the actual marriage license. So many couples actually forget this part, which is funny. More photos were taken with family and friends. 

After photos were finished, Aunt Toni introduced us as we reentered the hall with the wedding party. David and I shared our first dance as a newly wedded couple. Our song for this was “Ice Cream” by Sarah McLachlan. We laughed nervously to each other as everyone stared at us. Fortunately, everyone else joined in soon after.

Dinner was a delicious Italian buffet: eggplant parmesan, chicken alfredo, and baked ziti. We had a little bar that served sangria, white wine, red wine, and a blush. That blush went real quick. Props to my mom for finding it. No one seemed interested in beer. I guess that’s just the kind of people we tend to hang out with. Classy people.

Toasts were given. My friends Brittany and Tiffany made us laugh with their speech. David and I thanked everyone for coming. We also made sure to thank all those activists who fought long and hard for our rights to wed. Also: thanks, Obama!

We cut our delicious chocolate cake, complete with the cutest wedding topper.

When the desserts came in, everyone clapped. With good reason. My mom and her co-conspirators went a bit crazy with the dessert table. It was a very impressive spread: donut holes, cupcakes, Italian cookies, eclairs, cream puffs, chocolate-covered Oreos…my goodness. 

After all the desserts, we said goodbye to everyone and had our send-off. I couldn’t believe it was all over. We were told by the park that we made history by being the park’s first official gay wedding.

As we drove away, the rain started up again. I’m really not about cosmic alignment, but all the auspices seemed to show. I’m sure there will be more than a few poems that come from this. For now, I just feel incredibly lucky to have found someone this special to share my life with.

Hellos and Goodbyes

Joseph DanteLeave a comment

October was gone in an instant and November already has one foot out the door. Instead of writing and reading, I was very busy studying for the GRE and applying to MFA programs. I hadn’t done geometry since high school, and hopefully that was the very last time I’ll have to study math again. I had to seek out professors I hadn’t talked to in over a decade for letters of recommendation. I had to refresh their memory of who I was, what I did in their classes, and what I’ve been working on since then. Somehow, I put together a portfolio of my best short fiction. It’s very difficult selecting “the best” of anything. I crafted a statement of purpose, which includes what I write, why I write, what I want out of an MFA, and what I can possibly contribute. These posts by Carmen Maria Machado and Cady Vishniac were essential in figuring all of this out. Thank goodness for gracious writers like them.

I’ve also become an assistant editor at The Review Review. Their site is an invaluable resource to both new and veteran writers alike. I’ve previously written reviews for them. Now I’m coordinating all the interviews with literary magazine editors for the site. It’s become my mission to highlight new journals that seek to publish underrepresented voices, alongside the old journals who have been around for decades.

I received my contributor copies of the Lascaux Prize 2017 anthology. My poem, “Heathens at Thanksgiving,” was a finalist and was included in its pages. You can order a print or digital copy.

Unfortunately, some of the hellos I’ve gotten to say lately have come with goodbyes. This week, we lost my grandma on my dad’s side. Grandma had just celebrated her 90th birthday this year. It is a very unreal feeling when someone you’ve known your whole life is suddenly no longer a part of it. I remember watching The Price Is Right with her when I was little. I remember her excessive cheek kisses and her dance moves at parties. I remember all her Italian-isms: bicciuridu (my little baby), stunad (idiot), gifu? (what’s wrong?). Lots of mangia, of course. How she always cooked huge Italian meals for Christmas, every kind of chicken and pasta, the scungille (shellfish) and bruppu (octopus). How all my little cousins loved the octopus and how I didn’t trust it. I will miss Grandma, but I’m very glad she lived a long life. I’ve got some good genes.

In Memoriam: Zach Doss

Joseph DanteLeave a comment

I’m devastated and heartbroken to learn of the sudden passing of writer Zach Doss. Although we never got to meet in person, I got to know Zach online through his tweets and his writing. We corresponded through email throughout the years, sharing works-in-progress with each other and offering feedback and support. I loved his fabulist fiction with a queer bent and quickly found him to be a comrade-in-quills. I vicariously lived through his MFA experience and was looking forward to reading his story collection someday. When he graduated and was looking for work, I suggested he apply to my workplace. We had an open position in my department at the time. He had a phone interview with my boss and she said he was an absolute delight. She was almost ready to offer him the job but he ultimately decided Florida was not for him and went to pursue a PhD in writing in California. I have to admit, in hindsight, my recommendation for him to move here was mostly selfish – I imagined us hanging out at bookstores, becoming better friends, yelling at people to read each other’s books. We had planned on meeting eventually at the AWP conference, but I was unfortunately unable to attend this year.

Zach was an original talent and absolutely unapologetic in his love for the literary community. His passing is a huge loss. My thoughts are with his family during this time. Although he is gone now, he will continue to live on through the hearts of his loved ones and friends, and of course, through his stellar writing.

Here are some of my favorite stories he had published:

Take Me Away

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I’ve been escaping into alternate worlds. This was my favorite pastime as a child and I’ve missed doing this. Falling down the rabbit hole. I read about these fantasies, dreamt of them, explored their vast landscapes in videogames. I’d watch movies like Return to Oz and become obsessed. I grew up alongside Harry Potter. I wanted to inhabit these worlds always, so immersed myself completely and eventually wrote my own. Many of us lose this wonder as we become jaded adults ground down to a nub by the tedium and obligations of everyday life. I like to think I haven’t just yet. Or, I’m trying my hardest not to become that.

I’ve been exploring the world of Umbra in the videogame Earthlock: Festival of Magic. It’s colorful and lush, even while traversing the Burning Desert and trying to desperately avoid death from the heat. There is a central hub that you use as a homebase, called Plumpet Island. Here, you can rest and recover your health in a library. You can bargain with and go on quests for Frogboy. You have a garden and use what you grow there as ingredients for healing potions and even ammunition in battle. I always love gardens in videogames and this mechanic is my favorite. I have a soft spot for apothecaries too. Gardens are always showing up in my fiction.

Magic shows up too sometimes. I’m reading/playing a game on my phone called The Arcana. It’s a very queer-friendly visual novel where you explore an intriguing world full of magic and mystery, while also trying to romance one of the characters of your choice. There are talking snakes, magical trinkets, and ghosts. You are given dialogue options that allows you to alter the course of the story. The art is gorgeous.

Unfortunately, I’ve also had a rather lackluster revisit to a universe that used to seem much more colorful years ago. I’ve been making my way through the first part of The Book of Dust by Philip Pullman. I loved the His Dark Materials series when I was younger but, despite the glowing reviews online, I’m finding this prequel to Lyra Belacqua’s adventures incredibly dull. I don’t really care so much about descriptions of carpentry, Biblical floods, and changing the Chosen One’s diapers (yes, this is a plot point).

A return to the town of Night Vale, however, is always welcome. I’ve been listening to the audiobook of It Devours! at work. The narration is what you’d expect, since it’s the same narrator we all know and love. The fantastic escape + well-earned laughs were a highlight of my week. It makes for a nice break in between all the literary podcasts.

I will someday write towards a collection of more fantastical stories. I know I have them in me, just like I have a queer coming of age novel in me and endless stories with idyllic gardens.

Fall Fragments

Joseph DanteLeave a comment
  1. The cool, dry air pays a visit like an old friend. My skin is glowing but my eyes are tearing.
  2. I have a short prose poem in the fall issue of Unbroken Journal. It is ominous, as most writing is these days.
  3. Someone asks me, “What do you write?” I freeze. You’d think I’d be able to answer this by now.
  4. I finished writing a story told in fragments. It features potions and a garden. My stories always seem to feature a garden.
  5. I finished reading Cruddy by Lynda Barry. Brutal and beautiful. I wrote a micro review about it. Easily one of my favorite reads this year.
  6. I’ve updated my list of literary journals for LGBTQ writers, women, and writers of color. People still seem to use it as a resource and I’m glad it’s been so helpful. Unfortunately, I’ve had to remove quite a few journals that have gone defunct or no longer appear online.
  7. I’m getting married soon. Since there’s no bride, we’ve had to write a ceremony ourselves. There are no real traditions to inherit yet, no set rules. We are setting them down. I should write about this eventually.
  8. The cool spell will be gone tomorrow, I’m sure.