Masochistic Love

My story, “Teaching Them Happiness,” has been published over at the Conium Review‘s Online Compendium. Have a read. It is a darkly absurd story about a teacher dealing with a suicide epidemic at her school. Is there a solution? The idea for this story most likely rose out of  my recent rewatch of Heathers. A favorite of mine.

I’ve been working on a long poem about growing up in South Florida. It is divided up by place and time, written in the form of journal entries. The feelings are not all negative, which continues to surprise me. I’m not sure which journals would be interested in a particularly long poem like this, however. I’m guessing print journals may be more open to the idea. I’m aware that online journals tend toward short and snappy. One of my writing goals this year is to submit to snail-mail only journals, so I guess this will be a good way to start.

I go back and forth on whether or not I want to start my own literary journal. I love editing and discovering new writers. I have a name picked out for the magazine already, and I know what I’d look for to publish: writing that pushes boundaries in terms of genre (prose poetry, lyrical fiction, hybrids) by a very diverse group of writers. I like what DIAGRAM and Threadcount are doing especially (I really miss <kill author and PANK too…). However, it just comes down to the huge time commitment and how I’d probably want to dedicate that time to my own writing instead. But I admire this complete labor of love, what so many tireless editors of new journals are doing now, especially when you have other old Big Name journals taking advantage of writers (see: Narrative Magazine) or hearing stories about how they don’t even read through their slush pile.  I don’t understand why these journals have such an antagonistic relationship with writers. Why run a literary magazine at all? I’ve also discussed elsewhere about how I don’t like when magazines say that no response from them means a rejection. Could they at least do us the courtesy of letting us know? Even if it’s just a simple “no thanks”?  I talked to editors of a few  journals and even they agree – it takes next to no time at all to send a form rejection. Just a few button clicks. Buh-bye.

Even though I now have file saved on my computer that is a List of Journals I Will Never Submit To Again, I’d like to help. Here are some magazines that not only read their submissions very carefully, but sometimes will offer valuable feedback:

  • Necessary Fiction
  • Bartleby Snopes
  • The Offing
  • New South Journal
  • One Throne Magazine
  • matchbook
  • Hermeneutic Chaos

Keep on keeping on, editors. You’re heroes.

The 2015 Memory Jar Project

Contents:

  • Sun Trolley ticket
  • Ticket for a parking garage at Arts and Science Museum, Fort Lauderdale
  • “Positive power pills” from Customer Service Appreciation week
  • Raffle tickets for new car I didn’t win from Nativity Catholic School jamboree
  • The moon I filled with colored sand from the same jamboree
  • “Kiss me, you fool!” message from my sister (I guess it’s her catchphrase?)
  • “Love” from Valentine’s Day
  • Atelier Hachi business card, made by a talented friend
  • Pins from Quaint Magazine: “Misandry,” “(Don’t) Fuck Broets,” “Quaint Magazine,””Vile Misandrist Harpy,” “Alt Lit Is Dead”
  • Some kind of carved bone from an ex (I joked it was human)
  • Sea shell
  • Moonstone (for all the traveling I didn’t do)
  • Card from horse breeding game (featuring my horse, Kronk) printed at Dave and Buster’s
  • “I <3 Kreayshawn” bracelet from my sister
  • Rubik’s Cube from an 80s themed party
  • Business card from my middle school teacher (advertising his books) found in the wild by my sister
  • Ticket stub from Welcome to Night Vale live show at Broward Center for the Performing Arts
  • Consent form from Nova Southeastern University to participate in skin treatment study for research
  • “Two Minutes About Ghosts,” a short story by Amy Tan, found on Chipotle bag
  • Map from Morikami Museum
  • Results from HIV testing (negative)
  • The last Uniform Advantage catalog I worked on before my departure
  • An old office key
  • Scarab bracelet from my sister
  • Panda Express fortune (?): “Important associates will be there for you, if needed”

2015: The Retrospective

That picture is how I handled 2015.

It seems the past few years have included a lot of firsts for me and this year was no exception. I’m grateful for this trend in my life. Looking forward to beginnings is a good way to go about it. It seems the late twenties are a fruitful time for journeys with tangible goals, versus the early twenties when there are vast stretches of wasteland and nothing in sight. Just a few of these firsts: yet another new job (one that I’m leaving soon to return to my previous job in a different role), my first long-term relationship that isn’t long-distance, a group of new friends (which led to my first “Friendsgiving”), a new car, my first smart phone (I know), a new living arrangement, a coming out to my father, and my first (and hopefully final) masquerade of extroversion.

There has been a lot of literary magazine scandals (the best kind!), more racial injustice, more misogyny, more evidence that the apocalypse is nigh. South Florida will become the most populated state in the U.S. and then will be swallowed by the sea.

I didn’t read or write nearly enough this year, but I watched a ton of LGBTQ movies. I played some long RPGs that people my age complain they don’t have enough time for. I watched a few TV series, as opposed to never watching TV at all. I ate out more. I did not go to my ten-year high school reunion at some trashy club. Goaded by my sister, I started taking pointless pictures on my new phone and applying filters to them.

One of my stories was anthologized in Best Gay Stories 2015. I realized I need to submit more to magazines. Even if it is a lottery, I still have a better chance than not submitting at all. I published some stories about bodies and how they’re horrifying. I underwent skin therapy in a study that didn’t do anything. I realized how much I’ve used the first-person. I realized how a lot of editors seem to be very picky about point of view (second-person especially), whereas I am much more open to exploration in terms of perspective.

And here we come to everyone’s favorite part. Lists!

Books:

Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
Black Swan Green by David Mitchell
Close Range: Wyoming Stories by Annie Proulx
The Burning Library by Edmund White
The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson
The Long Goodnight of Violet Wild by Catherynne Valente
Closer by Dennis Cooper
War of the Foxes by Richard Siken
Hum by Jamaal May
Flood Bloom by Caroline Cabrera
Ongoingness: The End of a Diary by Sarah Manguso
Crystal Eaters by Shane Jones
Goddessmode, edited by Cool Skull Press
On the Edges of Vision by Helen McClory
There Will Be No More Good Nights Without Good Nights by Laura van den Berg
Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine
Frequencies, edited by Two Dollar Radio
A Field Guide to Surreal Botany, edited by Janet Choi

Literary Journals:

Indiana Review
Sugar House Review
Quaint Magazine
The Offing
DIAGRAM
Threadcount

PANK Magazine (RIP)

Movies and TV Series:

Shelter
Redwoods
Ma Vie en Rose
Brokeback Mountain
Latter Days
Girls
Bob’s Burgers
The Muppets
Scream Queens
American Horror Story: Coven
Grace and Frankie
Please Like Me
Inside Out
Edge of Seventeen
The Hundred-Foot Journey
Pride
Long-Term Relationship
East Side Story
I Can’t Think Straight
XXY
Pariah
The Way He Looks
The Normal Heart
The Devil’s Backbone
The Babadook

Video Games:

Papers, Please
The Last of Us
Starbound
Hand of Fate
Mortal Kombat (9)
Legend of Legaia
Broken Age, Act 2
Windward
Viridi
Rune Factory 4
Emperor’s New Groove

Music Albums:

Nabuma Rubberband by Little Dragon
I Am a Bird Now by Antony and the Johnsons
The Hissing of Summer Lawns by Joni Mitchell
Froot by Marina and the Diamonds
Bloodletting by Concrete Blonde
Garbage by Garbage
Tango in the Night by Fleetwood Mac
How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful by Florence + the Machine
Love Stuff by Elle King
Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morrisette
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy by Sarah McLachlan
Hormonally Yours by Shakespears Sister
Piece by Piece, The House, Ketevan, pretty much everything by Katie Melua
Finally Woken by Jem
Bigger, Better, Faster, More! by 4 Non Blondes
The Burdens of Being Upright by Tracy Bonham
Art Angels by Grimes

Resolutions:

  1. Do some writing collaborations
  2. Read more, write more, edit more, submit more
  3. Submit paper submissions to paper-only journals
  4. Go to the gym more (of course)
  5. Learn to cook more

Queer Bodies

The end of the year posts are coming, I assure you. There’s still the retrospective, resolutions, and uncapping the memory jar. Let’s just say that I am optimistic about the new year and that is coming from me. Where are my Daria glasses?

I almost don’t want to look back at all.

cactusheartissue14.5

Although it is nearly the end of the year, I just wanted to let you all know that my short story, “Dysmorphia,” is featured in the BODIES issue of Cactus Heart. You can order a copy for yourself here. It’s quite a diverse offering. You will find many writers across the LGBTQ spectrum, voices from the margins. Stories about self-image, gender, coping with illness. I’m happy to be in such good company.

Permafrost also wants to publish a poem of mine in an upcoming print issue. It’s dedicated to a long-time online friend who quietly suffered through drug addiction. I’ll post that when the issue is out.

If you’d like to follow, I now have an Instagram account: @lettersforburning. My sister made me get it. There will be no letters on fire, but you can look forward to books, book quotes, and probably food.

See you all soon.

Recommended Reading #3

  1. A Field Guide to Surreal Botany, edited by Janet Chui and Jason Erik
  2. “Glass Box” by Sandra Simonds
  3. “The Math Is Bad” by Casey Hannan
  4. On the Edges of Vision by Helen McClory
  5. “Smooth Body, Smooth Mind” by Paul Rusconi
  6. “Psychic in Reykjavik” by Fatima Bhutto
  7. “Anthropogenesis, or: How to Make a Family” by Laura van den Berg
  8. “A Hierarchy of Friends and Lovers” by Amanda Miska
  9. “Why I Didn’t Write Back” by Diana Spechler
  10. “The Agony of Community: an Introverted Writer’s Lament” by Meghan Tifft
  11. Read the World, a blog that categorizes literature by place and encourages more worldly reading